Sweet boy.

From the mouth of Ezekiel:

• When Bekah Jane left for the doctor's yesterday, he gave her a hug and said "I hope you feel better soon, sister."


• Last weekend I got to take baby girl to a "Princess Tea" at our church. Ezekiel woke her up that morning, all excited, saying "You get to go to your tea today Bekah!!"


• After Bekah Jane's dance class, E ran up to her and said "I am SO PROUD of you baby! Good job!" (Promise, I do not tell him to say this stuff!)


• At a party on Sunday, Ezekiel walked up to a stranger and pointed out Elijah in the room. "That's my baby brother, Elijah, " he said, "He's a super cute baby."


• At bedtime, he always says "Goodnight, Elijah, I will play with you tomorrow!" and "You're my best baby brother!" Today, while I was nursing Elijah, Ezekiel kissed his head and whispered "You're a good boy."


• In addition to his unbelievably sweet comments to his brothers and sister, Ezekiel continues to be OBSESSED with animals. This morning: "Mom, you know what's really important? Baby Jaguars." Um, ok.


• A couple days ago a heard him yelling for help in the kitchen. I ran in there, only to find him hanging on to the fridge handles, standing on the freezer drawer below. When I ask what in the world he was doing, he said "I'm a howler monkey. We like to climb." Apparently, howler monkeys don't know how to get down, though.

(Lest you think my son is perfect, Bekah Jane just came out of my room crying and saying "Brother hit me with a pillow!" Ah, we enjoy the sweet moments when we get them!)

Compassion.

I have compassion for the hungry, for the homeless. Probably more than most, I'd guess. And I certainly have compassion for the orphan, the abandoned. The unloved. That's what brought us to bring a child that's not of our flesh and blood into our home, isn't it? And there - right there, the moment the child crosses your threshold and becomes part of your world, instead of just something sad about the world - that's when compassion goes from macro to micro.

I think I'm pretty good at macro-compassion. You know, feeling deeply about large-scale problems like hunger and abuse. But micro-compassion - the kind of compassion needed when you transition from feeling sorry for a situation to actually getting in there and doing something about it - that kind of compassion is what brings me to my knees. Because it's one thing to hurt deeply for the orphans of this world, but it's quite another to wake up to the sound of him screaming when you desperately want another hour - or two - of sleep. Or to take extra care of his blistering bottom when you're changing the 6th poopy diaper of the day because of his mysteriously troubled little tummy. Or when you're washing that same poop from his hair, because he woke with it covering his crib, his pajamas, his entire body. It is in those moments when I begin to wonder if I actually have any compassion at all.

Two weeks ago today I asked my mom to start praying that God would give me an abundance of compassion. Compassion flowing out of me, spilling onto the children in my care - and one little blond baby in particular. "Maybe this is God's way of protecting you, though," she replied. Meaning that I may not want to feel too deeply for this child, for fear of loosing him in the end. And perhaps she's right.

But it's not right, because what is there instead of compassion is ugly. And not of the Lord, and certainly not honoring to him. So she's praying. And I'm praying. For compassion.

And something is happening.

Sure enough, bit by bit, my heart is softening - sometimes I would even call it mush - as I care for this baby boy. The moments are more tender, more sincere. Today, when he wanted to get my attention, he gently reached up and put his hands on my cheeks. This, from the boy who just weeks ago - or was it days? - was throwing toys at my head to ask for help. Chubby little hands on my cheeks? Mush.

I'm finding myself thinking about him when he's not around. Feeling a bit anxious when I have to leave him, and excited when I get to pick him up again. Happy to hear his sounds in the morning, rather than dreading the new day. Hurting with him when he hurts. And this, more than anything else, is the true litmus test of my compassion for him: My mama-bear instincts are coming out. I want to protect him from hurt, from disappointment, from rejection.

This is no longer a babysitting gig.

As scary as it is to feel this way, I'm equally as scared that it will go away. So pray with me, for an outpouring of compassion to flood our home. And that we will know -- no matter how this journey ends -- we have done what the Lord requires of us.

My heart is full.

Blessings from today:

• My craigslist carseat find! (Two practically-new Britax seats!)



• Watching my daughter pretend to juggle during our "talent show." I laughed so hard watching her...I think even she believed she was actually juggling.



• Snuggling with C for over 20 minutes while we waited in the doctor's office. He crawled up in my lap and nuzzled into me, kissing my cheek from time to time. It was probably the sweetest time I've ever had with him. Simply precious.



• Family movie night! Complete with popcorn and licorice. Watching Bekah Jane comfort Ezekiel when he was scared (Toy Story 3 can be scary you know!). Watching Ezekiel absent-mindedly play with Bekah Jane's hair and rub her back during the movie. They are so stinkin' cute together.
  

It was a good day, a good day indeed.

Well, hi there.

It's been a while. And for good reason. I have 4 KIDS UNDER 5 living in my house. Who has time to blog? (Or pee, for that matter...haha.)

Yeah, it's been crazy. CRAZY. I-could-write-a-book kind of crazy. But we are learning so much, and growing, and - even in some pretty dark moments - confident that we are exactly where God wants us to be.

(Quick apology: Sorry no pictures. We are still careful what we put of C on the world wide web, but trust me when I tell you he's a cutie!)

So, here's a quick look at where we've been...and where God has brought us now.

• When C first arrived, he was unable to play independently, or even with the other kids. It was like this 16 month old baby was a caged animal in our home, looking for something to throw, destroy, hurt or unleash his anger on. TODAY....he can play happily on his own for short periods of time! I'm telling you, the first time he did this I texted my sister I was so happy!



• C is learning to control his temper. He still throws LOTS of fits, but now he will often stop himself and correct his behavior when prompted.



• In the early days, if I had to go outside (like to get something from the car), he would FREAK OUT if I left him inside (for even a second). Ok, maybe this is a normal baby thing, but wow was it new to me. Same was true if I even left the room. (And really it wouldn't have been that big of a deal if Kevan didn't sleep during the day! I sort of began to feel trapped in my own home, for fear of C waking up Kevan). But NOW...he understands (and, more importantly, believes us) when we tell him we are not leaving him, and will be right back. He is beginning to trust that we will not abandon him, and that he is special to us.



• Similarly, he used to scream bloody murder while I loaded up the car, because I had to run back and forth between the house and the car a few times. Now he is secure enough to wait quietly as I finish with the last minute load-ups. So much more peaceful for everyone!



• When I was nursing Elijah, C would try to push him off my lap, lay on top of him, hit him, throw things at his head...you get the picture. Now he kisses Elijah's head! What a change! (Or I play catch with C while nursing Eli...a skill that has earned me a spot in that boy's heart!)



• One of the hardest things about our situation in general was that Kevan was monitoring visits between C and his dad, taking up about 8 hours of his week. That was time spent away from me and the kids, during an already tumultuous time in our home, and the visits themselves were extremely emotionally taxing. Now, our social workers are doing most of the visits, and Kevan is down to 3 hours a week...much better! (We do see the value in Kevan meeting up with C's dad, and good things are coming of that I think...but 8 hours was just too much!!)
  

So we stop and take stock of the victories. Some days - many days - are still pelted with tough, tough moments. But we ARE seeing progress. And don't be mistaken, the changes in C are probably second to the changes happening in me and Kevan. God is at work in us and through us. Never have I been more minute-by-minute dependent on Him (oooh, patience and self control are hard for me too!) and - as Kevan put it - never have we been more aware of the flesh and the spirit at war in us. It's a good place to be, abiding in Christ, taking refuge in His covering, tucking myself close to him, and leaning in to listen to the Spirit over the chaos and confusion of my daily life.

There are a few things that I am overwhelmingly thankful for as we've walked this road:

• Our kids (even beat-up-on Elijah) ADORE little C. It's weird, really. Ezekiel will take a hit from this guy, look a little surprised, then giggle, tickle him and give him a hug. They always ask about him when he's gone at visits, and run to him when he gets home. They are patient with him beyond my wildest expectations. Of course, they all have their moments, but in general they really get along great.



• KEVAN. I love this man. This has not been easy on him. But he perseveres beautifully. When he stumbles under the weight of frustration, he pulls himself back up again, looks straight into God's word for direction, and obeys. He chooses to do what is right, not what is easy and not what he feels like. He is a daily example and encouragement to me.



• And, call me one proud mama, but Elijah has got to be the easiest baby on God's green earth. This child amazes me. And, honestly, if he were not so darn adorable, happy, and content to just sit there and smile at nothing I probably would have lost my mind by now. Not only is he easy to care for, but he is the source of SO MUCH joy in my life. God gave us the kids we needed to take on the job He had for us!
  
  

Now, this part is more for me than for you. But if you're especially interested in the practicals of foster parenting, keep reading. When Team Plumb has come together, regrouped, and walked away with renewed purpose (in other words, date night), here are some of the tactics we've come up with to peacefully transition C into our home:

• We put him back on a bottle. I know that sounds silly, since he is plenty old enough to drink from a sippy. But sucking is a naturally soothing thing, and it gave us more opportunity to rock him and make eye contact. It's worked great. Weaning him off the bottle is the least of my worries right now.



• We look for every opportunity to make skin-to-skin contact. Lotion after bathtime, back rubs during side-by-side play, touching his head as he walks by...these all seem to help make him feel wanted, loved, and research shows that physical contact can actually help heal the brain. Amazing.



• Rocking. This took some time. At first we couldn't even make it through one song before he wanted to wiggle off my lap. Now he asks to sit and snuggle with me, and will rock for several songs (as of this week!). (Rocking also helps with brain development.)



• Explain, explain, explain. This kid understands A LOT. And the more we communicate with him, the better he handles change.


• Pump It Up and Pandora. I'm only half kidding when I say they've changed our life. Weekly family outings to Pump It Up = fun for the whole family, bonding, and lots of smiles. Pandora has brought endless worship music into our home, creating a backdrop of peace and perspective.



• Praying with him, for him. C hears our heart, God changes our heart.

Thank you for journeying with us. We cannot stress enough how much we appreciate - and rely on - your prayers, offers to help, and words of encouragement. God has appointed many to this ministry, and we are all making a difference in this little one's life.