To my oldest.

Dear Ezekiel,

The birthday you've long since looked forward to has finally come and gone. Six! You made it. You couldn't wait for this day. When we asked you yesterday, after celebrating at the San Diego Zoo, if all your hopes and dreams had come true, you replied: "Yes! Oh, except for one thing...the dream where I have creature powers. That hasn't happened yet." 

You make us laugh...and cry too. This past year has brought plenty of tears to my eyes as I watch you learn, listen to you share your love for Jesus, and smile as you care for your brothers and sister.

Yesterday at the zoo, while we waited in line for the bus, you kept kissing Elijah on the head and saying "I love you Elijah." The people behind us thought it was adorable, of course, and when you noticed them watching you, you just said "This is my baby brother Elijah. I love him." I couldn't even make eye contact with the poor people, for fear that they would notice the goofy, I-am-so-stinkin'-proud-of-my-son look on my face.

You started reading this year. Just small words at first, then sight words. And now sentences and pages, when you're really trying. It is amazing to teach you, a privilege to be a part of your learning. It reminds me a lot of watching you take your first steps. I can't wait to see you take off!

And some things you learn without hardly trying at all. Like anything and everything about animals. Just tonight you were telling me about all the birds that can be classified as "raptors" and what defines them as such (I thought raptors were extinct). Not too long ago, you added this to your "idea list": Visit flying fish in the Atlantic ocean. I love your love for animals, son, and how deeply you appreciate all that God has created.

What I love most, though, is how you want to share our creative God with others. What a year it's been, watching you grow into a boy who is passionate - insistent even - about sharing Jesus. Remember your new friend at the park?  You ran back to him, after already saying goodbye, as if you couldn't believe you almost missed the opportunity. "Hey, did you know God is here right now with us?" you said, running beside him, "He's always with us, and He protects us. I always try to obey God. You gotta obey God, ok?" And then there was our gardener's son, who heard all about the 7 days of creation as you both played in the backyard. When I called you in for dinner, you didn't want to come in. "I can't mom! Brandon doesn't believe in God yet!"

You've even encouraged me in my own faith, my son. And this I did not see coming. One night you were up late chatting with me as I painted some furniture. We were talking about the day and I said to you, "You know, I'm feeling discouraged about today. You know I love you so much, right? But sometimes I still don't make the right decisions as your mom and I let you down. I just want you to know that I need Jesus just as much as you do." I thought this was a good parenting moment, until you blew me away with this, "Don't worry, mom, this world is not what it's supposed to be. One day God is going to come back again and take all that is wrong and make it right again." What?! I am not that good of a parent. This was not a good parenting moment, this was a GOD moment. God is at work in you, bear, and it is an absolute joy to see.

We've had our share of struggles this year, too, challenges with anger and selfishness and itchy clothes that really aren't that itchy but you insist that they are. And we are both learning how to handle these things, me as your mother trying to coach you through them, and you learning to obey and take what the Bible says to heart (not so much about the itchy clothes, but the other stuff). And I know that God is, and will, and will forever continue to refine you for His glory!

And so I pray for you each night, as I tuck you into bed (and answer whatever random animal question you have for me), "Lord, may Ezekiel grow to love and serve and honor you with his whole heart and life."

Happy 6th birthday, bear! I love, love, love you!

Mama

ENOUGH.

Today we gave a stranger Elijah's shoes. But let me back up.

It started with A Hole in the Gospel. That was 3 years ago, but was quickly followed by Radical, then Not a Fan (which was given to me by a perfect stranger on an airplane, after he caught me not-so-subtly reading over his shoulder). Next came The Missional Mom and, now, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. With a smattering of great books on adoption in there too.

All of these books reach into the deepest places of my heart, address the parts of my life that feel off-balance, and force me to face head-on the uncomfortable discrepancy between saying I'm a Christian and truly living as a follower of Jesus. I gobbled up every word, marked them up with highlighters and question marks, nodded along in agreement as I read, talked to my friends about them (ad nauseam), and prayed for God to change me from the inside out.

Then the prayers turned to pleading. I felt paralyzed. Overwhelmed with the need to act but clueless about where to begin. The other night I literally felt like I prayed in my sleep (that's the Holy Spirit for you, huh?). And God, in His faithfulness, began to prompt me. In such a powerful way that I could not ignore it.

So, this morning, as I was sitting on my couch reading 7 while my kids ate breakfast, I knew what needed to be done. As much as I love that book, I nearly threw it across the room. ENOUGH reading. I've read it all before. Hello...I've read it in the Bible for decades. This is nothing new, just the same point God has been hammering home since the beginning of time: This life, if you are a follower of Christ, is not about you. It is one gigantic opportunity to take up your cross (read: die to yourself, because we are not that great to begin with and what we get in exchange is ridiculously better), allow the Holy Spirit to be alive and active and at work in us, and live with gratitude and joy as a bond servant to Jesus. ENOUGH reading. Time to start doing.

So right then and there I made a decision to make today different. I didn't have a clue what I was doing, or where I was going, but I packed up the kids in the car with this one thought: If we want to reach the world for Christ, let's start by getting out of our nice, air-conditioned house. 

My first sign that there would be resistance came from my 5 year old: "But, mom, I wanted to do something fuuuun today." Oh boy. Sweet child of mine, get out of my way and get in the car. This mama was on a mission and nothing--not crying, nor whining, nor breakfast dishes, nor lost shoes--would keep me from carrying it out. (I wasn't sure what it was, but come hell or high water we were going to find out.)

There are a lot of things that keep me from acting. My kids take slot numero uno. Why? Because doing things with them is hard! This is legitimate. But today, today I had clarity. Today I knew that we could do whatever God called us to together, and that they would learn right along with me. Lesson #1: Sometimes we get in the car for reasons other than self-gratification (Sub-lesson: "Fun" does not have to happen at Pretend City, it can take also take the form of offering bananas to hungry day laborers...more on that later.)

So we prayed. We asked God to match our resources with people who had need. We asked Him to lead us, to show us where to go and who to talk to. I passed by the first 2 men we saw who looked like they might need something. But they were super scary and, um, God told me to keep driving. Next: Two teenagers making out on the corner. Hmmmm....nope, probably not a good stop either with babies in the car. 

After a series of random decisions I ended up in a not-so-bad area of my 'hood, wondering why in the world I was here and, oops, aren't I supposed to be finding people with need? Probably not going to happen here in the land of plenty. Then we saw them. A group of men that I've passed a million times before. Day laborers hoping to get picked up for some work. Think what you want about immigration and taxes and all that, but here's what I saw: Men trying to work to feed themselves, their families. Honestly, I almost kept driving, but I'd already prepped the kids to be on the lookout for people with a need, and Ezekiel kept shouting "There they are, mom! Stop for those guys! Those guys!"

So we stopped. And we asked some questions. And, dang, I need to brush up on my Spanish. But when I asked if they needed food or clothes for their kids, they said "Yes, all!" (That is what "Si, todo!" means, right?!). 

And 20 minutes later we were back with bags full of overflow from our own pantry and closets. They took everything. We exchanged smiles, and blessings, and they were eating bananas when I left. And I hope that, somehow, Jesus is glorified in that. 

We will do this again. Get out in our community and meet people, meet needs. Without any other agenda. Share Jesus in words and actions. This is not radical. This is how Jesus lived, and how many people -- who are far ahead of me in understanding the implications of the gospel -- live. It is my hope and prayer that this will one day feel less blog-worthy, and more normal-life.

In the meantime, may we continue to "stir up one another to love and good works." (Hebrews 10:24).

Are you with me?

Love letter to my baby.

I love Elijah's hand in this picture. And his feet. And his lips...



You know how parents of older children will often tell us younger mamas "It goes by so fast..."? Well, I just want to say in reply "I believe you!" And I am trying my darndest to heed your advice and soak up as much of these "little years" as possible. I get that even though this season of life is hard, it is fleeting. And in a blink of an eye their chubby little feet will be wearing man-sized cleats and unprompted kisses on the lips will be replaced with a side hug. I get it.

So will someone please tell Elijah to just stay little forever? How, oh how, is he turning 2 tomorrow?!

Elijah, your 2nd year of life probably took a good decade off mine. You have stopped my heart more times than any other child of mine. Sometimes in good ways: When you're so cute that it literally hurts my heart to watch you...I am just so in love. And, sometimes, in not-so-good ways: Like when you nearly burnt the house down by putting your sister's Care Bear in the oven, or when you decided to escape from Grandma's backyard and go on your own little adventure without notifying your mother...those moments just straight up scared me to death.

God was so merciful to us by keeping you stationary for your first 16 months. Once you started walking, my son, it was game over. You quickly figured out your two favorite speeds - running and jumping - and you've pretty much never looked back.

Yes, you keep me on my toes. Yes, you are my busiest boy. My most mischievous, most strong-willed, most stubborn. But, oh man, that twinkle in your eye, that laugh, that contagiously cute way you frantically wave and say "Hi!" at the most random times....I am a completely and utterly head over heals for you. And I can tell you this now, because you're only two and can't actually read, that I basically think everything you do is adorable...and it takes everything in me not to laugh at your naughtiness.

I absolutely can't wait to see the man you will become, my Elijah. The passion you have for life, your determination to overcome challenges (like climbing the ladder at the playground even when your little legs are shaking), your strong temperament...all of these will be wonderful qualities in a man seeking to serve Jesus with his whole heart and life. 

You, so far, remind me the most of your dad. (He disagrees because he says he was an angelic child.) But I already see your great sense of humor, and I think you may share his strong sense of justice and full-throttle approach to goals you set. You have a super sweet side, too, just like your daddy. And if your devotion to your beloved "puppy" is any indication of your future devotion to your wife...well, you are definitely on the right track to following your dad's example and excelling as a husband!

You are a delight and a joy to us every day, Elijah. I love taking you outside before bed to say goodnight to the moon ("Night moon"...I could listen to you say that a million times over, with your chubby little finger pointing up at the sky, and your lips forming a perfect little "O" with every "moon"). I love hearing you whisper, and sing, and watching you practice your long jump. You never stop, and I never stop marveling at how amazing you are.

You are my baby, and it's no secret that sometimes babies get babied. May God give me the strength to help you grow into the man He wants you to be...and to let you fly (or jump) when the time comes. 

Happy 2nd birthday, our beautiful boy! We love you!

You're adorable.

A few of the funny things coming out of my girl's mouth lately:

• "Mom, I saw mud puddles outside. Can I please put on my boots and jump in them? Please, please, double please?" It's June, people. The mud puddles were made by the sprinklers. But on went the boots and the windbreaker (I love how she can put an outfit together) and puddle jumping she went! You simply cannot resist the double please.
• Yesterday she invented a word, something like "vensect" (we were talking about insects just before, so I'm sure that's where the root word originated from). "What does it mean?," I ask, "When teachers disobey and they have to fly up in the sky and meet with Jesus." You know, we've been needing a word for that.
• Today we were playing doctor and I was her patient. "Let me check your ear," she said first. "Hmmm...I don't see anything wrong with you. Ok, let me check your heart." Out comes the stethoscope. "Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Uh-Oh. I hear a bump. That means you're gonna die." Then she's whispers in my ear, "I'm just pretending, mom."

I love this mixture of sweet and silly and spitfire. She's a keeper.

Visit With Nana!

We just got back from a long weekend in Arizona visiting Kevan's family. The kids had so much fun staying at Nana's house, and she doted on them in every possible way! A few pics from the trip, most of them from the Phoenix zoo...on a warm spring day of 110 degrees!!! Needless to say, we were the only ones there, so that part was nice. And, honestly, the kids hardly seemed to mind at all. Us grown-ups wimped out around 2 and bribed the kids with a movie to go home. 

The kids helped Nana buy a new fish while we were there...they named him Louie and they loved him. I mostly just love Bekah Jane's crown.

Did I mention it was 110?! No further explanation needed for Elijah's face...







Nature Boy.

You know what I love? People who can appreciate the little things in life. To see beauty in the mundane. Grasp God's glory in the ladybug landing on overgrown grass, yellow wildflowers lining the freeway. As adults, I think this takes practice...we have to look for it, slow down long enough to notice what is right in front of us. But kids, how they so readily delight in the simplest of things! From playing in the dirt all day, to obsessing over animals, our Ezekiel's love of nature runs deep. He notices and appreciates beauty -- and is quick to recognize it as God's creation -- in way that can stop me in my tracks and beckon me to join him.

• Last week he invited me to climb the hill in my parents' backyard (and check out his secret hideout!). When we got to the top (which overlooks the neighborhood), he took in the view and softly said, "Isn't it so peaceful and quiet up here, mom? Don't you just love this town?"
• This morning I was commenting on how much I love the sun streaming through our french doors in the morning. A few minutes later, I glanced outside, and Ezekiel was sitting in the backyard crosslegged, leaning back on his hands, face tilted toward the sky, basking in that stream of sunshine.
• We pruned our rosebushes way back at the end of January, and it looks so doubtful there for a while that anything good will ever come of that. I explained the process of pruning to the kids, and they checked back in on those rose bushes from time to time to look for new growth. The other day, Ezekiel came running into the house exclaiming, "Mom! I have a surprise for you! Come quick!" He led me outside by the hand and told me to close my eyes. When I opened them, my son was beaming and pointing to a single rose bud...our first bloom of the season. 
• Just today I overheard him talking to a slug he found under a brick in our yard. "Hey slug," he said, "Aren't you so excited to find a shell and make it your home? I saw some good ones at my grandma's house. You should go there." 

I hope you always talk to animals, son...and always bask in the sunshine.

It's not always easy...

But moments like these make it worth it all.

Goodnight, beautiful babies. It is my honor and privilege to be your mama. xoxo

The thrill of the hunt.

{Bekah Jane, Kate, and baby Susannah in the background}

We had such a fun morning as a family today, traipsing through wet grass, peering in bushes and through branches, delighting in trinkets and treats as treasures were found.

Some friends of ours annually host this Easter egg hunt --- and it is the hunt to beat all hunts. There are hundreds of eggs hidden all around their property, even at neighboring houses. They begin the morning by reading a story to all the kids, an opportunity to talk about why we celebrate Easter and what Jesus did for us. When asked why we hunt for eggs, one boy said "Because it's like finding a gift, and it reminds us that Jesus already gave us the best gift when he died for us." Couldn't have said it better myself.

After the hunt, they bring out baby chicks and bunnies for the kids to hold and pet. I'm sure every child loves this, but my Ezekiel L-O-V-E-S this. That boy and his love of animals, it is such fun to see. One chick we named Quackers and Ezekiel kept referring to him as "my duck friend" for the rest of the day. 

One the way home Ezekiel said "Mom, that was the best party ever." And Bekah Jane chimed in, "That was the best DAY ever!" It was a pretty great day.