A bit about today...

Before I get to today, let me first say thank you for your comments, especially on the housework dilemma. You guys had great ideas and were super encouraging. Young mamas, if you haven't read my mom's comment on that post ("Regrets"), go back to it. She encourages us all!

Ok, here's today in a nutshell:

• Two visits from social workers today. Honestly, I like both of our social workers (one from the county and one from our agency). But I will be oh-so-glad when our life does not revolve around them. =)


• Took all 4 kiddos to the grocery store with me. DID YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY?? Yes! And it was VICTORIOUS! I was giddy-proud of them by the time we left. We even did a cheer in the car to celebrate. I never thought I'd see the day. Hearing all the comments from fellow shoppers was half the fun..."All are those kids yours??" (In case this sounds dramatic, let me just remind you - and myself, years from now when I'm re-reading this post - my kids are 4, 3, almost-2, and almost-1...not exactly a recipe for successful grocery shopping!).


• Questions/thoughts from Ezekiel today: "How do worms see?" "Do octopuses scare eels?" "Deer are friendly, unless you are mean to them. Then they get antlers. You got to be kind to deers, mom."


• Had a great conversation with the kids about caring for the hungry/poor on the way home from the grocery store. We saw a man asking for food as we got off the freeway, so I pulled over and put some of our groceries in a separate bag for him. I don't do this all the time, but today was one of those times when I could not ignore the prompting to help. (By the time I got back to the off ramp, he was gone so he never got the groceries. This happens to me a lot. Where do the homeless people go?! Why do they move so fast??). One of the things high on my "parenting priority" list is giving my kids an awareness - and hopefully compassion for - how most of the world lives. We talked about how God has given us plenty of money to buy food, and how we can share that with others who are hungry. Bekah Jane was all about it ("Sharing is good mom! We have two monies at home, so we can give one money to the man! Then he can go to the store and buy food!"). Ezekiel was MAD. He really believed that if we gave our food away we wouldn't have any left. He flat-out told me "This is a BAD idea mom!" and he was totally relieved when the man had left his off-ramp post. I think we'll be having a few more conversations on this topic, he and I. =)


• My husband has the patience of a saint. He spent HOURS yesterday working with C to get him out of his defiant "funk." I could not believe the balance he found between staying controlled, firm, and loving. I would not have lasted 5 minutes!! And he was successful, too. Days like that end up being pretty big turning points in our progress with C, so I'm very thankful!


• Elijah is almost one. I don't want to talk about it. PLEASE SLOW DOWN, Elijah. I am crazy-obsessed-over-the-moon for this baby. So is everyone else in this family, for that matter. Even though I want him to stay my baby, we all can't wait to celebrate him on his birthday! (Ezekiel's been singing to him for weeks.)


• I put both babies to bed in my room tonight so I could work on decorating their room. I am waiting for paint to dry now, but I think I'm running out of steam. Shoot...I guess I'd be bored if I got it all done tonight anyway, right?!

Happy 4th of July weekend! Anna (Nana) is coming into town to visit with us, and the kids are sooo excited!!

Good morning, Sunday

I love Sundays. LOVE them.

We get to worship God, freely, collectively. We get to encourage one another in the faith, in life, in the sitting next to, the dropping off of kids, the singing off-key and not caring, the leaning forward to absorb Pastor's every word.

I love the drive to church, all 7 minutes of it. Usually begins with a high-five and a congratulations that we made it to this point, 4 little bottoms buckled into 5-point harnesses, the payoff for preparation that began a full 12 hours earlier. Followed by some comment usually like, "I think this is the earliest we've ever been late!" Kevan squeezes my hand, turns up our "church music" and signals celebration...it's time for church! Regardless of how crazy the morning was, or how little sleep we got, now is when we refocus and prepare our hearts.

I love the kids in our service, sitting, wiggling, learning, worshiping.

I love watching Bruce, well over 60 but with the mind and social graces of a 6 year old, hands held high and praising Jesus. I love how he reaches for my hand when it's time to pray - even if I'm sitting behind or in front of him.

I love my kids' teachers, the way they delight in my children and are passionate about teaching them the Bible.

I love the rest, the opportunity to connect with friends and family, the intentional setting aside of have-to's and the focus on what nurtures our soul, fills us.

This morning I am up in the darkness, hoping that medication will work it's wonders soon and relieve this sore throat that is robbing me of sleep and sanity. An opportunity to reflect, to anticipate, to thank God for rest, and new beginnings, and mercies new every morning. Happy Sunday.

Nine Years with The Babe.

For someone who is a "writer by profession", there are a few things that I still have trouble putting into words (thankfully, there is a word for that: Ineffable). And one of those things is the way I feel about my husband. My joy, my gratitude, my overwhelming love for this man run so deep and wild that words feel like a pathetic attempt to capture and reign in and control something that is better left untamed.

I still daydream about him when I'm driving.

Every sappy love song reminds me of us.

I am in awe of how he can balance me, bring me back to what's important, make me laugh when I really want to be grumpy.

I am amazed -- and oh so humbly thankful -- at his desire to live a life of sacrifice for me. It plays out in our lives every day in big and small ways, and I know -- without a doubt -- that his constant effort to put my needs before his own is the single biggest contributor to the joy we find in marriage. (Aside from the grace of God, but do I even need to say that??)

I love to watch him struggle. To wrestle with himself. And I love seeing God win, because he always does. I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my nearly-nine-years of marriage is to simply pray for my husband's weaknesses. And then sit back and let God work. Man, that's been fun to see.

If this is too over-the-line cheesy for you, stop reading now because it's about to get worse.

Perhaps what I treasure most about the Babe, what I realize is truly a gem, is that I get how much he loves me. I know that I am loved in a way that is rare and beautiful and I count it as a nothing less than pure gift.

And here's the part the just makes me laugh: Our relationship should NOT be this way. I think we probably raised a few eyebrows when we got married, and may have seemed oddly matched to some. Even I look back on my 18-year-old-self and wonder what I was thinking when we first started dating. But, little by little, God turned what should have been a mess into a beautiful relationship. And it is only by His grace and lavish love for us that we are sustained.

So tomorrow we are leaving the 4 bambinos at grandma's and escaping for a night away to early-celebrate our 9 year anniversary. I CANNOT WAIT to sleep, and read, and rest, and hang out with my man. Ahhhh...ineffable.

Regrets

There is not a whole lot in my season of mothering, thus far, that I think I will regret. I spend a lot of time with my kids -- choosing hide-n-seek over laundry, being in the band over making the bed. I am deeply aware that every day with them is a gift. Even on the hard days, when I can't wait to get them in bed, I spend a few minutes with each them, stroking their hair, looking at their beautiful features, in full realization that I may or may not have this moment with them again. I try to memorize the sound of her giggle, etch his funny faces in the recesses of my heart, bottle up the way they mispronounce words and gesture with their hands and whisper to themselves as they play with toys.

But there is one exception to my non-regrets. One thing that I let get under my skin and rob me of joy on a continual basis. It affects my mood, and therefore affects my kids, my husband: The condition of my house. Why, oh why, do I let it have a physical and emotional hold on me? You know what? I think it's a longing for heaven. We were created to love beauty, to relish perfection. And we long for it in this fallen world. The disorder, the mess, it gets to me. I crave order, tidiness, neat little rows of something for longer than 10 minutes. But tis not the season. Oh, there is order and cleanliness from time to time...but it never lasts and neither does my satisfaction.

So, I think I'm 50% of the way there in my quest to "let it go". I daily CHOOSE to focus on the more important, the people. To say "yes" to the guests and "no" to perfection. But now comes perhaps the greater challenge: To CHOOSE not to let the mess bother me. Because I don't want to look back on this season and think about all the time I wasted grumpy and frustrated about the condition of a home that was occupied by 4 precious--albeit messy-- little gifts from God!

Any pointers from the mamas out there who have already figured this out?