Crazy Love: Our decision to Adopt

Let me just start out this post by saying "I am tired." As in really, really tired. I think having a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and growing a baby in your belly will do that to you. At least it does to me.

So the thought of adopting another child - at this very moment - is not all butterflies and rainbows. It actually just makes me more tired.

"My heart and my flesh fail, but God is the strength of my heart of my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26).

In the flesh, adoption feels like an overwhelming undertaking at times. And I guess that is why I chose now to tell a chapter of our story. Because now is the real stuff, the doubt, the questioning. Am I capable? Can I really find the energy, the strength, the creativity to mother this unique little brood? And the answers are so glaringly obvious: NO. Not on my own strength; not by my own willpower or sheer determination. Not by sleeping less, sleeping more, or carving out more "me time." ONLY by relying on the Lord, and looking to Him for strength and wisdom, sustenance and grace. And seeking His will in each decision we make in this faith walk. Isn't that true for every God-honoring mama? Because my heart and my flesh WILL fail...and He alone will strengthen me.

Rather than tell our entire up-to-this-point adoption story in one blog post, I am going to let you read the most current chapter. And I'm sure there will be many more posts to come sharing the back story of how God brought us to this point.

As of today, Kevan and I are about 9 weeks away from completing our certification for foster care. Yep, 9 weeks. The significance of that number is that I am also 9 weeks away from delivering our 3rd baby. God, in His super-funny timing, is allowing two dreams of ours to come to fruition riiiight around the same time.

Here's how it happened: We began the certification process to adopt from the foster care system last September. We had always planned to adopt (insert a really great, soon-to-come back story), and felt it was a matter of the Lord's timing. After our first attempt at international adoption was waylaid by Kevan's deployment to Iraq, we began our crazy baby-making journey when hubby got home from war and trusted that God would reveal the right time for us to -once again - begin the adoption process.

After our last miscarriage in September of 2008, we decided we would try for one year for another baby and then start adopting if pregnancy did not happen. This was not much of a leap of faith, since our previous 5 pregnancies seemed to happen if we even breathed the word. But, month after month, we marveled and wondered at what God was doing as we remained a family of 4 and no baby on the way.

In September of 2009 - now we're nearly to our one-year-of-trying-for-a-baby mark - my mom sent us some info about an adoption seminar focusing on the California foster care system. Even though we were still pretty intent on adopting internationally, I sent the info to Kevan. That night, he told me that he'd been thinking about adopting from here in the states, and that he couldn't seem to shake the thought that we should at least look into it. I confessed I'd had the same nagging feeling. Neither one of us had mentioned it before that point.

So, with minds wide open - and basically no clue about what it meant to adopt domestically - we attended this one day event. All I can say about that day is that I felt the presence of God. It was like no one else was in that packed church, and that God was speaking directly to me and Kevan as we both leaned forward in our seats and absorbed every word. After hours of listening - and barely saying a word to each other - they dismissed us to go meet with the agencies represented. We turned to each other in that pew and the words came pouring out. It was incredible to hear how the Lord had spoke to each of our hearts in the same way, how our thoughts aligned, and how we were nervous, excited, and saddened by the same things. It literally took all of 10 minutes before we knew we were in the right place and that we needed to keep taking steps toward adopting a foster child.

We chose our agency, Koinonia - which we LOVE, by the way - and began asking a million questions. We began our training and got VERY excited about where God was taking this little family. And then....we got pregnant.

Attending adoption training classes while you are pregnant is a funny thing. So is explaining to your doctor why you need him to fill out a medical evaluation stating that I'm healthy enough to adopt. But Kevan and I knew that this pregnancy was an awesome and amazing blessing from God, and that it did not change our desire to adopt. It changed the timing a bit, but not the desire.

So, here we are, frantically trying to finish our mounds of paperwork. The deal is, you must have your certification within one year of beginning the process or you start to loose your credits. We are talking hours and hours of time already invested into this process. We started last September. Our baby is due in July. That means we would have about 6 weeks after the baby is born to wrap up the certification process if we put it off until after the birth. Two toddlers and a new baby? I reaalllly don't think I'll be diving into that paperwork prior to 6 weeks postpartum. So, that leaves us with NOW. Get it done before the baby comes and have it ready and waiting for when the time is right.

And, timing, my friends, is an area we desperately need wisdom. When is the right time to start welcoming a foster child - or two - into our home? I am pleading with the Lord to show us, and for us to exercise wisdom in our decision. We are excited, and we can hardly wait to meet the child God has hand-picked for our family. But we also have 3 other babies to think about, and our own sanity and stability as a family - and as a couple.

Throughout the pregnancy, I have known the inexplicable joy of carrying my own ever-so-wanted baby, coupled with the growing excitement of adopting an ever-so-wanted child. What a unique feeling, and I thank God that this pregnancy has only strengthened our desire to adopt. But, right now, as I feel the weight of sleepless nights, mounds of paperwork, hormonal imbalance, and 2 hands-on pre-schoolers, the whole things feels crazy. But I must be a fan of crazy because, somehow, it still feels right. (And, hey, marrying Kevan was crazy and that has worked out crazy- beautifully!) So I continue to take this journey in faith, and trust that God - who is a God of wonders - will reveal to us His perfect timing and we will know His perfect peace.

PS: As you can imagine, there is a WHOLE lot more to this story so, if you have specific questions, please leave them in your comment and I will address those first!

Costco is an aphrodisiac.

#21: For about 4 months now, we've been doing a monthly "family trip to Costco." Let me just say, it is amazing to me that I can fall in love with my husband at Costco. But I do. He sings to the kids, makes up funny games, and brainstorms with me so that I can get the best bang for our buck. It is the most fun I can have shopping without a new pair of shoes involved. When we get home, he unloads all the groceries and cleans out the fridge for me (probably my least favorite chore!). This past week when we went, he said "Babe, let me just say I'm sorrry I ever had you do this by yourself. Costco with two kids is a LOT OF WORK!" Ummm....thank you! Just wait until we have three. =) Totally spoiled, I know. But I AM so thankful I am not loading 50 lbs of dog food into my car by myself anymore.

#22: Last week my dear friend from college, Kristen, and her A-DORABLE baby Owen came down from Washington for a visit. Soooo great to spend 3 solid days playing catch up and loving on that sweet baby. The Babe (as Kevan is known among my college roommates) was awesome, fetching us girls food as we sat around talking, and offering to babysit so we could have some "grown-up" time in a restaurant. I love that he is so supportive of my my friendships, and encourages me to build up these relationships at every opportunity.

This list stuff is a little hard. I am realizing that there is a lot I love about my husband that I really can't even put into words. Or it would sound totally cheesy (probably risking that already). So, for everything in that category, let me just say this as reason #23: I love what God is doing in our marriage, and it is a wonder to me every day that it can be this great. It is only by the grace of God. Maybe one day I'll be able to explain that better. =)

Tomorrow is date day!! Heidi and Mike are watching our kids ALL DAY so we can have the day to ourselves. So excited! On the agenda: Antiquing at the Orange Circle, Jalepenos for lunch and Claim Jumper for dinner (thank you gift cards)!

Random Thoughts at 4 a.m.

I am up for two reasons:

1.) Kevan left for an earlier-than-normal shift for work, and I got up to make him breakfast and pack his lunch (ha ha ha...no! But I did manage to give him a kiss goodbye!)

2.) Today is my glucose test at 9 a.m. and I can't eat for 4 hours before that. So a snack at 4 a.m. seemed like the perfect plan. Is that bad?!? I am so pregnant.

So here is the random stuff floating through my head in the wee small hours:

• Every Wednesday night Ezekiel has Awana (a Bible Club for kids) at our church. It is a wonderful program and he loves it. But, I am not kidding, EVERY Wednesday night in the past 2 months something seems to come up that either keeps us from going or makes us late. People unexpectedly drop by the house (the past two weeks), a friend has a need (probably 3 of the weeks), or we are traveling out of town. It sort of makes me re-think my 3-year-old's weekly commitments. =) There is something to be said about just being available, because sometimes it's the best of life that happens in those last-minute interruptions!

• But....one of the side-benefits of Awana is that it gives me one-on-one time with Baby girl. (Kevan is gone helping out with the youth group at church.) Last night we had so much fun, just me and her. I just went along with whatever she wanted to do, and this is what our night looked like: We colored, and when she was done she held up her picture and said "TA-DA!!". Then we practiced her letters and colors on her Elmo laptop (not making great progress here, by the way. There is a distinct possibility my daughter is color blind.) Then we lined up a bunch of her animals and read them stories. Next, she brushed my hair and put a bow in it. Then she dragged me by the hand to look in the mirror and we sat admiring ourselves for a while (she kept telling me I looked pretty...love that girl). Of course, that led us to play dress up and she put a crown on my head (she was disappointed her princess shoes didn't fit me). Naturally, that led to dancing and twirling until we fell over. We ended the night with a talent show (Bekah won hands down with her amazingly energetic singing/dancing combo that went on for at least 10 minutes). That girl cracks me up! She is so full of life and personality...and she is SO GIRLY! I really cannot believe the difference between her and her brother! (When I play one-on-one with E, we usually race scooters, jump on the bed, and play chase around the house...all pretty funny with my big ol' belly!). Loved hanging with my girl last night.

• Back to my comment about people dropping by unexpectedly...This happens ALL THE TIME. I don't remember this from our Southgate days. Is it because we live so close to church? Is it because we have great neighbors? Is it because I tell people more often 'Just come on over any time!' and they actually take me up on it? Whatever the reason, it is WONDERFUL and I am so glad! But I will tell you what is NOT the reason: It is not because my house is always clean, or that my kids are always dressed (in fact, they are almost always NOT dressed, in spite of my diligence in clothing them every morning), or that I am all dolled up and ready to entertain (I have a recent compulsion with putting on my "comfies" as soon as I walk in the door). It is not because the candles are lit and the cookies are coming out of the oven...although you are likely to find a pot of coffee brewing. And it is definitely not because the floors are freshly mopped and the bathrooms are sparkly clean, because we did that yesterday and then 2 toddlers destroyed any evidence. Oh, how I want to be hospitable and to have others feel welcome in my home. And I'm sure the day will come when that includes a lovely presentation and fine dining. But today is probably not that day...and I am learning that true hospitality means being ok with the imperfections. It is truly comical to me how hard I work to keep up on my house, and how rarely I feel like it shows. So, I have decided that this is the Lord's way of keeping me humble and reminding me that this is HIS house to begin with! We bought it in a flood of gratitude for His provision, and we are committed to sharing it however he sees fit. And if that means welcoming friends in our jammies, then come on in!

Ok, posts to come: Doheny days, reason number 21 why I love my hubby (it's a good one!), and the story of our adoption journey (so far!). Stay tuned!

From the mouths of babes...

So, I have to jot down some of the sweet things Ezekiel said to me yesterday during my moments of frustration. God can use - and often does! - even the smallest of people to speak His truth into our lives!

After I lost my cool with my daughter, I apologized to the kids and told them I shouldn't have yelled and reminded them that we should always talk to each other calmly and kindly. Ezekiel paused for a second and said "Oh...that's ok mom. I forgive you. Don't give up. Just try again." Talk about melting my heart! I loved that last part...just try again. Isn't that what God offers us? Forgiveness and mercies new every morning.

Not so spiritual, but pretty funny anyway: As we were running our errands Bekah Jane fell asleep much earlier than I was hoping for (What is with that girl anyway?! How can she wake up at 9 and be asleep again at noon?). I let out a sigh of frustration and Ezekiel says "What's wrong mom?" So I tell him I was bummed his sister fell asleep already and he says "Oh. I have an idea! We need something loud. Like a drum. How about we go buy a drum??" Such a problem-solver, my little man.

Numbers 14 thru 20

It was a pretty discouraging day. Too many unchecked boxes still on my to-do list. Busy all day, and not much to show for it. To top it off, I was feeling guilty about losing my temper with my daughter. And then Kevan calls. How can he be on his way home from work already? What happened to the day??

As I recalled the events of the day to him, tears spilling along with every not-so-pretty detail, he listened and asked a few clarifying questions. When I finally shut up, here was my sweet husband's response:

"Well, hon, it sounds like a success to me. I just counted at least 12 things that you did to accomplish the mission of our family. You nurtured our kids, played with them, and allowed them to learn from your mistake. You built relationships and encouraged a friend. You worked around the house and did the dishes. You shopped for things for our home, clothed the kids, and spent time with the Lord. You even took a few minutes to relax. And on top of that, you worked for ECCU. It's days like this that makes me proud to go to my job every day so that you can stay home and be a mom to our kids."

I am writing this down, so that I can re-read it and remember. Because, no doubt, another day will come when I will need these words of encouragment! And I think this should count for reasons number 14 through 20 of why I love my husband!

Monday morning perspective.

Last week we had a follow-up ultrasound to check on the health of our baby boy.

This was necessary because our ultrasound at 18 weeks showed that our son had cysts on his brain, which could either mean one of two things: 1.) Sometimes cysts form as a baby develops and they go away on their own, completely harmless and - without all of this incredible technology - most of the time we would never know they were there. Or, 2.) Really, really bad things.

So that is what we were left to ponder in the month between the two ultrasounds. Our doctor was very reassuring that it was probably nothing and that the cysts would very likely be gone by our next ultrasound. And, thankfully, they were!

I can honestly say that we didn't worry about it while we waited, but you can't help but think about the different scenarios that could pan out when you're given news like that. Best case: Cysts go away and baby is fine. Middle of the road: Cysts are a sign of a chromosomal abnormality and baby is born with Down's Syndrome. Worst case: Chromosomal abnormality is more serious, like Trisomy 18, and baby does not live long after birth.

And I couldn't help but reflect on the conversation with my nurse practitioner as she reviewed the initial ultrasound. As I sat listening to the different possibilities, and being offered a myriad of tests, the nurse finally said: "Bethany, it all depends on whether or not you would change the course of the pregnancy depending on the results." Change the course of the pregnancy?! Of course, that is a pleasant-sounding euphemism for what she is actually referring to. Was I the only one that just saw that little guy not 10 minutes ago waving at me and wiggling his toes? He had fingers, and eyes, and a round little belly...he looked like my baby.

Yesterday Kevan taught the high school group on John chapter 9. The beginning of the chapter starts this way:

Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him."

Even though Kevan was not focusing on why God allows birth defects as he taught the passage, we both couldn't help but feel like that verse jumped off the page. "...that the works of God should be revealed in him."

How thankful we are that our son appears to be healthy and strong, but also how thankful I am for the peace that has accompanied this pregnancy. It is beautiful that God gives us the reassurance in His word that He absolutely uses our weaknesses, our frailties, and our imperfections to accomplish His purposes. Healthy or sick, strong or frail, God has given us this baby...that the works of God should be revealed in him. What a privilege to be a part of the journey!

For Nana...

I am just a tad behind, but I promised Nana I'd post some pictures of taking the kids out for their Valentine's Day treat! We had such a great time at the Cupcakery in the Orange Circle! Thanks for the making the day extra special, Nana!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

This morning Ezekiel sneaked my cell phone and called Kevan. (I didn't even know he could do that!). When I walked in and found him on the phone, he held up his finger to his lips and said in whisper to me, "Excuse me mom, I'm talking to daddy. I'm on the phone." And then he tried to shoo me away!! Ummm....ok?!? How old are you again?? Kevan and I had a good laugh over that one!

Sound Bites

A few of my favorites from Ezekiel lately:

• Last night I came home with my arms full of groceries. Ezekiel said, "Mom, you got milk for me? THANK YOU!" then threw his arms around the bagged groceries and said "I love them!"
• A while back, when I was helping Ezekiel use the potty, he obviously wanted some privacy when he said to me "Mom, just drop me off."
• My friend Trisha took me out for a pedicure for my birthday (ahhhh!). This morning, E looked at my feet and said "Mom, those toes are a-mazing!"
• Most mornings, my little guy will wake up and say "How did you sleep, Mom?" I just think that is so cute, coming from a 3-year-old. It's also pretty funny when he is the one that has kept me up at night!
• Last week the Kevan and the kids baked cookies together. A few days later, Ezekiel says to me "Uhhh...mom? I need something. Something brown. I know...a COOKIE!"

I know I am seriously overdue putting up pictures of the kids! It is just so much easier to write a blog than put up pics when I just have a few minutes. Baby steps, baby steps. They are coming!

Hello Baby Boy!

Guess what? Guess what? It's a BOY!! Yep, a brother. A son! We are thrilled! Honest to goodness, I would have been thrilled either way but it is so fun to know and dream about our new little guy. Of course, now I just want to meet him that much more! It may just be me, but he looked sooo cute on the ultrasound. Just like our other babies, he was waving and kicking and rolling all around. They are fun right from the beginning. =)

While Kevan had to work, my mom and the kids got to come and see the newest member of our family. Here's Bekah Jane waiting patiently to get called back to the ultrasound room:




When the tech got a good "visual" of the baby's gender, she gave me the thumbs up to get Kevan on the phone. Then, with the kids gathered around, we all heard the news together: "It's a boy!" Tears and cheers! Ezekiel was super funny when he dramatically gasped and said "A brother!"


Some fun pictures commemorating the special day we learned of our son! (This is my new birthday dress I bought with my cousins/aunts/sis-in-law when my mom surprised me with brunch and shopping earlier in the week!)

I'm sure I've said this on here before, but I am truly amazed at how interested the kids are in this whole pregnancy thing. Especially Ezekiel. He "checks on" the baby every day, talks to my tummy, and already seems very protective. It is so precious to me. I leave you with a conversation we had last night:

Ezekiel: Mom, is that your baby? (pointing to my belly)
Me: Yep, it sure is.

E: (Throwing his arms around my tummy) I'm hugging the baby. It's my baby brother. I love her.

Me: It's a "him", honey. Can you say "I love him"?

E: Yes, I love him.

Then Bekah Jane wanted to get in on the fun so she tries to sit on my belly.

Ezekiel: Baby, no! Don't sit on him! That's my baby brother! He's crying. Mom, I gotta check on him.

Ezekiel then looks inside my belly button to check on his baby, then turns to me and says sadly "He's still crying."

Oh, this is fun! =)

EEEEKKK!

Today is the day! Today is the daaaayyy! I cannot WAIT to see our little bug on an ultrasound today and (hopefully!) find out if it's a girl or a boy! I will update as soon as I can! Drumroll....

Blessed sleep.

This morning I woke up soooo refreshed because I - finally! - had a good night's sleep. The kids have been up a lot for over a week now due to sickness (or hurt toes, or hunger, or bad dreams, or whatever else they can think of to drag mom out of bed in the wee small hours). This does not do good things for a mom who a.) is used to getting her beauty sleep and b.) is making a person. I am GRUMPY. Oh, and did I mention that my neighbor's awesome dogs are also conducting bark-a-thons in the middle of the night? They might as well be in our bedroom, it is so stinkin' loud.

Soooo...that leads me to reason #12 why I love my husband:

When I woke up this morning and told him how incredibly glad I was for zero interruptions to my sleep last night he said "I know, babe. I slept on the couch so I could hear the kids first if they got up. And, I went over and oh-so-nicely asked the neighbors to shut their dogs up at 1 a.m." (I guess the neighbors were already hanging out in their front yard - just counting shooting starts, I'm sure - so he didn't have to actually knock on their door in the middle of the night!). Thankfully, the kids slept all night anyway, but I sure appreciated the effort my hubs made to protect my sleep!

Our newest Valentine

Sweet baby belly at 17 weeks.

In spite of the nausea (which, thankfully, passed around 11 weeks), and the suuuper low energy (which, I hope, seems to be fading more every day), I am so incredibly happy to be pregnant. Such a joy to feel the little flutters and anticipate meeting this new addition to our family! I am determined to enjoy every stage and soak it up...keep me accountable if I get sensitive about being huge! =)

Easy.

So, it's been a GREAT weekend so far and LOTS of wonderful things about my hubby are coming to mind. Quick, write them down while I'm thinking about it! And hopefully I will meditate on such things.

#9: Kevan makes it a point to take the kids on little outings one-on-one as often as he can. Nothing big, usually just a trip to the grocery store or to get ice cream. The kids love it and seem to understand that it's a special time. What I love? The kids know that their daddy wants to be with them....aaaand he usually brings me back a little treat too! (Yesterday it was a People magazine - usually it's chocolate!).

#10: Kevan usually calls me on his way home from work to get a pulse on how my day is going and to offer to help in some way. Well Friday was one of those not-so-great days, and I was at my lowest point with the kids when he called. As much as I wanted to sound chipper and excited to see him, I could not hide the frustration and discouragement in my voice. He immediately offered to take the kids out when he got home to give me a break. Thankfully, I got them both down for a nap instead (he gets home at 3!) and then thought to myslef, "Now, what would Kevan like to come home to?" I thought about doing the dishes, finishing the half-folded load of laundry, and a few other chores. And then I remembered that what he REALLY wants is a happy wife. So he came home to me relaxing in a bubble bath. The first thing out of his mouth? "Good for you, hon! I am so glad you're taking some time to yourself!" Good man, good man.

#11: He plans super fun family outings! Yesterday we went to the Natural History Museum in LA (perfect for a rainy day...especially with the "kids can touch fossils and other cool stuff" room downstairs!). On our way home I was nearly nodding off when he suggested we just stop by the house to pick up all our left-over tokens and head to Chuck E Cheese to play some games. Ummm...ok! It was CRAZY there (Chuck E Cheese on a rainy Saturday? What could be better?? We'll probably get a season pass.), but the kids seemed to have a great time anyway. We ended the night by BBQing steaks, playing hide-n-seek, and going for a family walk right before bedtime. I told you it was a great day. =)

Flutters.

I am feeling the baby move. Teeny tiny flutters and wiggles. It is incredible. I love how it makes me feel like I always have this little friend with me. I can be up early, all alone, and feel those itty bitty kicks and think "Oh, hi baby, you're here too!" Sitting in church, laying in bed at night, making dinner....kick, kick, kick...such a sweet reminder of our growing baby!

Less than 3 weeks til we find out what we're having!! Aaaaahhhh! Tell me, tell me, tell me!

More for today...

Here's what came to mind as I thought about why I love my husband today:

#6: He's not afraid to say he's sorry. And he's pretty darn good at it.

#7: This is a super humbling one: He shows me grace - all the time - even though I am so quick to judge him. Real-life example: When I locked the keys in the car - along with our baby son - on a scorching hot day and AAA had to come rescue him, Kevan was totally understanding and didn't make me feel bad for a second (I felt horrible anyway). When Ezekiel colored all over the walls on Kevan's watch, I was....ummmm....not so understanding. Let's just say that I did not handle it well. I love that my husband is my example in an area where I am weak.

#8: The other day I sort of not-so-subtly mentioned that "the baby" really wanted some hot and sour soup from a Chinese take-out place. After the initial "Are you serious?" and "You know we're having friends over for dinner in like 2 hours?" comments, guess who happily ran out to satisfy his wife's (er, baby's) craving? And it was soooo good! I mean, at least the baby thought so.

Challenge.

The other day I wrote on facebook "Reason number 247 why I love my husband..." and one of my cousins asked "Do you really have 246 other reasons why you love your hubby? Just 5 would be great!"



And she is right. But it got me thinking...there is something to be said about purposefully and intentionally focusing on our spouse's strengths. Granted, I think my job is easier than some because my hubby is a pretty great guy to begin with. But, let's be honest, everyone has weaknesses and things that just drive us crazy, and it's a choice to focus on the positives, right? Not in a pie-in-the-sky, love-is-blind kind of way. I'm talking about seeing the best in people, because God calls us to focus on whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. And why not start with the people we love most - like our spouse?



So, here is my challenge to myself: I am going to start jotting down all the little things I love about Kevan. Wait, that's not the challenge. The challenge is to focus on the things I love, so that his wonderfulness will come to mind in those moments when I am frustrated or disappointed. And you, lucky readers (aka "mom"), get a sneak peak at that list.



Hopefully, this is just one of many quick posts adding to the list of things I love:

#1: One time, when the baby was crying in the middle of the night, he jumped out of bed so fast he hurt his ankle. Watching him limp around the next day only made me smile because it was evidence of his great love for his daughter. Plus, it was really funny.

#2: For the past 5 nights he has done the dishes without me asking. In fact, a couple of those nights I was out (once with friends and once for work) and I came home to a cleaner house than I left. This is definitely not something my husband would do naturally (what mess??), so I know he was really trying to make me happy. And it worked. Like a charm.

#3: Whenever we've gone through something traumatic, he still can keep his sense of humor. Unmarried girls: Look for a man who can make you laugh!! It will keep you sane in insane moments. (And sometimes drive you insane when you would otherwise be sane but, hey, the trade-off is worth it.)

Ok, just so you know, I'm stopping to think here. I know there are LOADS more, but it takes effort, right??

#4: A few weeks ago, he sat with a member of our church as her husband went to be with the Lord. Now that is beautiful.

#5: Right after we moved into our first house, I spilled an entire gallon of paint on our hardwood floors. As I stood there staring at the enormous mess I'd made, he scooped up our dog with lightening-like reflexes and then said to me without missing a beat "Babe, don't worry about it. They're our floors, we can paint them any color we want. I wouldn't have gone with white....but whatever."

Hey, that's 5! Now, to keep such things at the top of my mind...that is the goal.

"...Whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things." (Phil. 4: 8)

To be continued....!

Adding to the Fun...

Today I am 14 weeks pregnant. And I'm thanking God for this new little miracle growing inside me. Isn't motherhood the funniest thing? We can have the most challenging of days with our kids, feel pushed and tested, frustrated and discouraged, yet hearing the heartbeat of new life - another baby to add to the craziness - is the best sound in the entire world. Where is the rationale in that? How can we love so fiercly, so unconditionally, so recklessly? Yet I thank God that we do - and that we can recognize His children for exactly what they are...abundant blessings from Him. We are THRILLED to be expecting another baby. In some ways, I feel like it's my first all over again. Maybe it's because I had more of a break between Bekah Jane and this one and had longer to get the "baby bug." Or maybe because we weren't sure if we would be able to have another baby after our last misacrriage. Either way, I am all giddy and daydreamy about this baby...and absolutely cannot wait to hold that little newborn body. The kids have been so incredibly sweet about "their baby" so that just adds to the fun. I am honestly surprised by how much they "get it" and how often they refer to the baby. The other day Bekah Jane spontaneously pulled up my shirt and kissed my belly. And Ezekiel is always asking questions, "Mom, does the baby have two eys?" "Mom, can I see the baby now?" What a joy it is to share this experience with them!

We found out we were expecting a baby the day we moved into our new house. What a fun celebration that was - a new house, a new baby, and a new beginning after a whole lot of waiting. God's timing is rarely our own, but His plans are always so much better than what we conjure up.

February 24th - the day before I turn the big 3-0 - we should find out if we're having a boy or a girl! I CAN'T WAIT! The curiousity is killing me! And, honestly, I don't care either way. The best way I can put it is, I want both! So I'm bound to be happy with one or the other, right?

A word from Ezekiel

Quick story #1:

Ezekiel (Spontaneously throwing his arms around my neck): I love you mom!

Me: I love you too, bear. You are such a good boy.

Ezekiel: Yes. Exactly.


Quick Story #2:

Pulling up to the drive thru window last night, Kevan and I are talking when we hear Ezekiel saying, quite loudly, from his car seat:

UM, EXCUSE ME? Can I have a happy meal with chicken, hamburger, cheeseburger, and uhhhh...french fries?

We look back and he is turned toward the window trying to place his own order. Hahaha. Then he says "Dad, can you roll down my new car window please?"

So cute.

Things to remember...

Some of the cute stuff the kids are doing, that I don't want to forget!

• The last time we had rain, I found Bekah Jane out in our backyard. In just a diaper. Dancing on her tiptoes and twirling around with her hands in the air. Oh how I wish I had a picture, but I just stood there and stared at her instead, loving her ability to enjoy the simple things in life. Isn't that what we all should do in the rain?? I love that girl.
• Chris Rice's song "Come to Jesus" has been special to me since my grandparent's passed away. My cousin Andrea sang it at their service, and since then I've often sang it to the kids (thankfully they don't compare me to Andrea!). Anyway, Ezekiel seems to love it and has been asking for me to play the CD in the car. The other day he said "MOM, I NEED JESUS!" referring to his new favorite song. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Especially when he turned to his sister and said "You too, baby? You want Jesus?" Then, to me, "Yeah, mom, WE NEED JESUS!" Yes you do, son.
• The other day Bekah Jane woke up from her nap a little grumpy. She was crying over a toy that was "broken" and Ezekiel came up and patted her back saying "What's wrong, baby? It's broken? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgive you." That kid can be super sweet - and super funny - when he wants to be!
• One Sunday Bekah Jane wore a tutu to church. After the service all the kids ran around the plaza area and played. My daughter, of course, went traipsing through the bushes. She emerged with a stick stuck to the back of her tutu. So hilarious watching her run in circles in her pretty little outfit with this stick dragging behind her! Again, the dichotomy that is my daughter!
• I am loving watching Ezekiel learn right now. The other day we were driving to my mom's and he was looking out the window. At a stop light, he points to a tree and says "Mom, is that a conifer?" I couldn't believe he remembered that word but I said "Yeah, I think so!" He confirmed by saying "Yep, it's has cones!" How cool is it to see your kids "get it"??
• In related news, Ezekiel is completely potty trained and I am so very proud. For a mama who was basically clueless about how to go about this, I am so glad it ended up being a fun experience! After our not-so-successful potty-training-in-a-day experiment, we eased up and sort of just let him use the potty when it was convenient or when he asked. Then, after we got settled into our new place and it was very obvious that he understood what he was supposed to do, we went to undies 100%. And he has done great! Very few accidents and dry all night long. Yippee!
• Last night I let Bekah snuggle with me in bed while we waited for daddy to get home. She fell asleep whispering "mama" and with her hands on my cheeks. So, so sweet.

That's all for now. Hoping you all enjoy this wonderfully rainy day!